Living The Dream

They say I'm Living the Dream.

what's the context?

Can you actually live a dream if a part of you seems to surge with a tinge of loneliness. Lost and confused as to where all of these would lead me to.



this might be hormones.

i don't know. or maybe the Valentines Day Bug.
geez

Retirement

For the past weeks a silly picture/idea has been haunting me. Believe me or not...it's what they call "retirement".

No, i'm not 65. I'm just turning 32.

so why retirement?

Whilst munching on my chicken avocado wrap yesterday, i told myself....maybe i'll be growing old alone. So.. if that's the case, i should really be planning a retirement kind of lifestyle that would still keep me perky, up and going. I know loneliness will still be part of my shadow...but hey, i'm but human.

so yeah, i've been thinking. perhaps look for a small town/village. end my I.T. years and maybe work as a postwoman in the local cute postshop. I haven't really thought if i'd wear red. I wouldn't want to look like "Postman Pat". Perhaps wear blue?

Then have a small cottage to myself with a small fireplace. maybe have a dog. locate myself somewhere near the river (definitely not in a place where floods would bug me)... then during weekend, go fishing and catch just enough to last me the whole week. Maybe plant a veggie garden as well. Lessen the expenses. hahaha.

am i losing it? maybe. who cares. it's just me anyways.

pathetic? i don't think so. it's better to plan the future, not feeling sorry for one's self if there's no hubby to share it with...rather, just go forth and paint a picture of you...solidly believing that things will be okay if not challenging while living on my own. It has been for the past few months anyways.

And hey...so many people around the world have their own issues. some far worse than what i'm dealing with (my own emotional turmoil downward spiral non sense).

don't you just hate it when hormones play tricks on you? geez.

oh and yeah..bloody hell...yesterday, all of a sudden i was wishing i had a boyfriend!!!!

DUH!!!!! EEEEKKKK!!!!!!

i'll be fine! i can handle this....!!!!!!!

hahaha...this is what's good when you've got a blog and not all of your friends are aware that exists. you can just blabber all u want without being judged. :)

Just Do It

And so you all know that i've transferred to Sydney. Packed my bags and my guitar, had a few things shipped over (which is taking ages!), and here I am now 2 months after that crazy and busy chapter of my life.

This weekend i've finally started with the Motorbike Training .... and yes! i've finally decided to go back biking. It liberates me. so why not just do it.

besides, i'm not the typical aggressive bikers out there. My sole purpose is to satisfy my need to feel the wind and freedom when I'm on that bike.

Nothing can ever beat that. It's just you and your thoughts...... perhaps escaping from something, but anyway.... as long as it serves its purpose..i'm all sweet!

When taking Care of one's self

Don't get me wrong. I do love my independence, my singleton lifestyle, my own silence.

But there are mornings when I stand by the cooking stove that I suddenly get nudged by the tired feeling of taking care of myself.

is it just me or is age hitting me now....

there are times when i tell myself that "space" is what i need.

but when loneline hits me, i just hope someone is taking care of me for a change.

The Sudden Surge (Biglaan)

Hiccup. Hold on to the tears.
Sob. Can’t… need to allow it all to flow.
Sigh. When the phase of acceptance is the only liberation from the pain..perhaps…eventually..time will tell.

You hear a familiar tune on your mp3 player then a sudden gush of memories all flows back. Muddled up emotions of anger and pain swells up in your throat……can’t swallow…..as if you’ve consumed so much anguish to push it down…

You wallow for a while. Sometimes joke with friends that you’ve got that invisible “L” (Loser) sign on your forehead….laugh it out…. But deep inside thats what you feel about yourself.

Asking yourself what have you done to deserve that, when all you did was love so much……..is that a crime? Punishable with scars of betrayal and unwanted self preservation.

Warp back to reality.

And leave the momentary anguish of memories.



6 Cycle Mind – Biglaan (Permission to Shine)

Nandito nakaukit pa rin sa puso ko,
Nang sabihin mong wag na lang.
Nandito nakatatak pa rin sa isip ko,
Kung paano mong tinalikuran ang lahat.

Kay bilis ba't umalis, nakakamiss

Na bigla lang di ko man lamang nalaman
Na mawawala,
Na bigla lang di mo man lamang naisip
Na idahan-dahan.
Hindi ako sanay sa biglaan,
Unti unti na lang sanang nawala.

Hindi ba natin kayang magkunwari,
at sabihing sige na lang
Hindi ba natin kayang dayain,
Ang mga yakap sa tuwing lumalambing

Kay bilis ba't umalis, nakakamiss

Na bigla lang di ko man lamang nalaman
Na mawawala,
Na bigla lang di mo man lamang naisip
Na idahan-dahan.
Hindi ako sanay sa biglaan,
Unti unti na lang sanang nawala.

First Time in The Sando

I didn’t know what to expect. I had to gulp the anticipation and nervous feelings down. I got off the bus and walked to the Sandringham Hotel – or better well known as “The Sando”.

The stage was to the left of the door. A girl and guy were playing when I came in. The audience was quiet and attentively listening. I liked the vibe. 

I got my fave Stella Artois and found a corner with my guitar. The girls’ voice was lovely and the guys’ guitar skills were entertaining. The pool table was at the back end of the room, which was good coz it didn’t bother the performers at all.

The next performer was one of the regulars. His white hair glistened under the lights as he played on stage. I enjoyed his grooves and music. A few love songs and one about his travels. Jade joined in and did some harmonies with him. Definitely cool, had me tapping my feet to the rhythm.

I was next.

Plugged in my guitar and got introduced. I guess the Stella and the Heini helped a lot to soften up the nervous veins and minimize the shyness. I told the crowd that was my first open mic in Sydney…in Australia for that matter.

I started slow and quiet with my song Smoking Ashes. An original written about a nice of catching up with my best mate in New Zealand. That was a good warm up for me to start the night.

Next was a personal fave of mine, I’ve entitled Sanctuary. Inspired by one of my road trip moments whilst in South Island, NZ.

And the last one,..Save Me. I closed my eyes and let my fingers do the tapping and strumming, as I slowly got lost in the music. (I had to do a cover song after that one though)

There is so much beauty in music. The passion relives its moments when you allow the notes and the emotions flow in through the rhythm. The voices of one’s soul reserved and epitomized in each melody… the best way to harmonize the feelings.

I stayed for a while and listened to the next performer. Loved her voice and was impressed by the guys’ guitar skills.

I left happy and contented… glad that I got a lot of feedback from a few of the audiences that night & glad to have heard and be part of the Sydney’s Muso’s world….

I guess this goes out to all of those people out there with “passion” for the arts, music, painting, writing. Etc…

Strive to make it part of your life and don’t ever put it aside. Breaks are acceptable.

For me, all I know is…music defines me. It has and always will be.

So Cheers to all the Muso’s out there!

Rock on!!

Of books, coffee and antiquities

a delight that I’m so willing to share in the suburb I’m living in…is a book café I’ve discovered along Glebe Pt. Road. It’s well known as Sappho. http://www.sapphobooks.com.au/index.html

I’ve chosen my spot there. A small 2-seat table beside the window and a whole shelf of books. Convenient to the water station and the café, there I sit anonymous to the crowd, reading and flipping through different books that fancies my interest. For a few hours I feel I’m brought into a different dimension. A world of words enticed by the authors’ superb storytelling.

First level contains all of the non-fiction, fiction, travel and a variety of interesting books. Second level of this charming book café holds a whole section of musical scores, manuscripts and pieces. Ranging from jazz, pop, rock and classical. The other side keeps the philosophy and aboriginal volumes.

Books hold endless and priceless amounts of information. So, if you get to drop by the Glebe area, that’ s definitely a café to check out. 

Have a happy week ahead everyone despite the showers and gray clouds. 