5 years ago..

5 years ago, I boarded the plane from Manila bound for Aotearoa (New Zealand) via Singapore.

On the 19th of March, due to the aircraft’s technical problems (Gab remember this one? ), I had to stay in Singapore for a day. I guess it was a good way of ending my Singapore chapter as well, working there for less than a year. It served as my stepping stone. It worked as a good pit stop. It helped solidify the ME. It made me understand what I wanted and what I needed. All of that, I brought with me to New Zealand.

Kia Ora, the immigration officer greeted me.

My sister was standing outside. Hugged her. Autumn wind was blowing. We had a toast that night. I started work the following day.

That was 5 years ago. How time flies. I’ve been to places & continents, out and about. Climbed so many mountains. Dived a few seas. Played in a few pubs. Danced in a few clubs. Made good friends and extended families. Rode my bike and watched sunsets. Clicked my camera and captured moments. Watched friends & sister get married and start a new chapter. Casted a fishing rod and enjoyed a snapper for dinner. Shared a lot of coffee/tea moments with good mates. Pitched a tent somewhere where I found silence. Done long joy rides to keep the sanity alive. Puffed a few shishas. Welcomed friends from afar and shared my new Zealand. Started my project of creating a demo cd. Laughed, cried, went through heart aches, woke up with hangovers….

Looking back, I’ll be boarding a plane to New Zealand again. Same time frame.

Had the Sydney opportunity not come along, I would have been boarding a plane bound for Manila instead, via Singapore. Staying in my beloved country for 2 months.

But then…..life has a funny way of twisting things around. (sounds like Ironic of Alanis)

They say everything happens for a reason.. cliché.

They say we are where we are supposed to be…. Cliché.

Let’s see……but for now…and as for this email….. I’d like to say Thank you (with all of my heart) –

- To the people here in OZ who helped me through the last 3 months whilst adjusting in Sydney. For being there. For listening. For the chats & laughter. For the company. For the music. For the roadtrip.
- To the people back in NZ & Manila (my family and friends) who knows me all too well, most especially my moods. For being so supportive. For looking after me, despite the distance.
- To the people back in Singapore, for checking on me…and for the deep conversations …which I so appreciate

Angel Eyes

There are some tunes that make you nostalgic. A sudden gush of memories floods your emotions and you feel warped back to those days when that certain song was playing in the background…

………

Sun light fills the room, the cd churns in our old 486 CPU, Mom and Dad in the kitchen….
… I walk along the corridor towards the backroom of our old house….
… and hear Jim Brickman in the background. Angel eyes playing…

I go back when life was seemingly just plain and simple. Weekends of family’s routine, dog barking at the jeepney’s passing by. “taho..” I hear from outside, and Mom would order it for us…yummy…

Back then complications were actually just petty things…in retrospect.
Our home, our family was our only sanctuary from the harsh realities that bound us to the different anxieties of society.

I hear the rustling of the coconut leaves, summer heat touching my skin, humidity sets in……
… I watch Mom prepare the favoured dinuguan, Dad washes his hands…
My sisters come along to the table and we say grace…..

…… the last few notes of Jim Brickman fades in the background……..

All These Years..From Me

Last Saturday, I found myself finishing a song that i've been trying to work on for a year now. I would usually play the notes on my guitar, but never found the exact words I wanted to bolt on so as to make it the perfect mirrored version of my emotions..my demons. And so, here were the words I've written. I played it for the first time in an open mic last Wednesday. (Excelsior Glebe Hotel)

All These Years.. From Me

Year and Year I've tried to fly away
Free from something, free from someone
Trying to break free from chains

Looking back now I can clearly see
all the pain, all the misery
were all just a mask of me

Chorus:
All these years I've been running away
I've been hiding away...
flying away...
From Me

Shadows fill this emptry four cornered wall
Seasons change outside my door
Maybe I should just fade

Should i go and close my eyes
should i just let it all pass by
Perhaps I'll survive

repeat chorus



sometimes it tires me.. all these thoughts, all these wallowing, all these fears, all these insecurities.....

i'm tired of taking care of myself, of motivating myself...

waking up to mornings where you drag yourself out of bed...wishing you could just snuggle under the sheets..but knowing that you need to go to work and get paid..so you can then pay the bills..and the mortgage..and whatever...

i know there are so many people out there with problems..and listening to my woes..this is just big time Petty....

but am i not allowed to vent...... to rant......to feel miserable?

misery... getting to be such a common place now...

so common...

when will it end :(

can somebody save me?